I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
