Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
