ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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