capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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