but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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