my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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