did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
