We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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