apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.