the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame