woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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