Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
