We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
