i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was born a porn star she said
she looked like the before picture.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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