oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
