Jerry, you need to find god
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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