Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
