I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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