Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
false alarm. still invincible.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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