Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
