i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When are your genitals available?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
