You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
