Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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