I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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