i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
