dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
