Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
whose parrot is this?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
