I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
