It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
