went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
