At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love you. Go after that dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
