The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
