I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
