I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
