mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
