So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
