Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
