Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
