Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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