He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
