Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
