My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
