I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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