my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
