Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
