Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
