I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
