Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I sprained my soul last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
