I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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