its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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