I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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