I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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