Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
