If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
