I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
