i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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