I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize