How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
