am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
