you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
