The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
