so explain again why im purple
no
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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