She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
