There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
