Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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