I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
