My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
