Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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