I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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