You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
