shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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