i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
