so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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