Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
