I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great