I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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