Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
