I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
