You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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