There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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