I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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