it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
